In the context of narcissistic abuse and manipulation, a “flying monkey” is a term used to describe someone who acts on behalf of a narcissist to control, manipulate, or harm another person. The term originates from The Wizard of Oz, where the Wicked Witch of the West sends her flying monkeys to do her bidding. In psychology and relationships, the term is used metaphorically.
1. What is a Flying Monkey?
A “flying monkey” is a person who is manipulated or recruited by a narcissist (or toxic person) to carry out their agenda, whether knowingly or unknowingly. Flying monkeys are often enlisted to:
- Spread lies and gossip.
- Gather information about the target.
- Exert pressure on the target through criticism or intimidation.
- Gaslight or isolate the victim.
- Support the narcissist’s version of events, regardless of the truth.
2. What Do Flying Monkeys Do?
Flying monkeys assist the narcissist in perpetuating abuse. Their actions can include:
- Spreading Smear Campaigns: Sharing false or exaggerated stories about the target to damage their reputation.
- Harassing the Victim: Confronting or pressuring the victim on behalf of the narcissist.
- Gaslighting: Denying the victim’s experiences or making them question their own perceptions.
- Spying: Gathering information about the victim and reporting back to the narcissist.
- Enabling: Reinforcing the narcissist’s harmful behavior and justifying it to others.
They often engage in these actions without fully realizing they are being manipulated.
3. Do Narcissists Like Flying Monkeys?
Yes, narcissists love flying monkeys because they serve their purposes:
- Flying monkeys help narcissists maintain control over their victims.
- They validate the narcissist’s perspective, reinforcing their sense of superiority.
- Flying monkeys create emotional and psychological distress for the target without the narcissist having to act directly, making the abuse harder to trace back to the narcissist.
Essentially, flying monkeys are tools for the narcissist to exert power and influence while avoiding direct confrontation or accountability.
4. Why Someone Becomes a Flying Monkey?
People become flying monkeys for a variety of reasons, which can include:
- Manipulation: The narcissist convinces them they are helping with a just cause or “protecting” the narcissist.
- Naivety: They may not fully understand the situation or recognize the narcissist’s toxic behavior.
- Fear: Some flying monkeys comply out of fear of angering the narcissist or becoming a target themselves.
- Shared Values or Resentment: They may have their own issues with the target and join the narcissist to satisfy personal grudges.
- Seeking Approval: Flying monkeys may seek validation, acceptance, or favor from the narcissist by doing their bidding.
Some flying monkeys are willing accomplices, while others are unwitting participants who have been deceived.
How to Deal with Flying Monkeys
If you’re the target of flying monkeys, you can:
- Set Boundaries: Limit or cut contact with people who support or act on behalf of the narcissist.
- Avoid Engaging: Do not defend yourself to flying monkeys, as they often won’t listen to reason.
- Strengthen Your Support Network: Rely on trusted friends, family, or therapists who understand the situation.
- Stay Calm: Reacting emotionally may feed into the narcissist’s and flying monkeys’ agenda.
Flying monkeys are essentially an extension of the narcissist’s manipulation tactics. Recognizing their role can help you protect yourself emotionally and mentally.
